


We Are Nothing But Violence

by inRemote



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Character Study, Enemies to Friends, F/F, spoilers up to the end of Stormblood 4.5
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:21:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22149328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inRemote/pseuds/inRemote
Summary: After her most harrowing experiences, Eorzea's greatest champion has thoughts her adoring masses can never hear.  These can only be exchanged with a confidant, one who has no illusions of her heroism.The Warrior Of Light visits Fordola.
Relationships: Fordola rem Lupis/Warrior of Light
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have Thoughts about the Warrior of Light's internal monologue

The second time the Ania Straka visits Fordola rem Lupis’ cell, it is without company and, ostensibly, without purpose. She can’t recall what drove her here. She felt like she had been drifting through a dream since leaving Castrum Fulminis. The Warrior of Light had emerged victorious, as always. But she certainly didn’t feel it.

Tsuyu had been a moral quandary, an anomaly that begged an ethical question about redemption and identity. Did she deserve forgiveness if everything she had been was, for all intents and purposes, dead?

She hadn’t come to an answer herself, truly. It had been awfully kind of Asahi to solve the issue by returning her memories to her, destroying the gentle Tsuyu and returning Yotsuyu to the surface, just in time for him to kill her.

Oh well. All sealed away, neat and tidy. Back to square one. Truly.

Because Zenos was still alive, apparently.

The guard outside the cell nodded to her as she approached, unlocking the cell door without question. Being the Warrior of Light had its advantages. People assumed she knew what she was doing, even when she herself had absolutely no clue.

She stepped into the cell, and there she was. The sorry figure of Fordola, sat on the stone floor, back against the wall, raising her head slowly to return Ania’s gaze. The door closed behind her. Neither of them moved, or spoke.

The Warrior of Light had never broken a silence in her life, so eventually, it fell to Fordola to do it.

“Are you expecting a pithy remark? I have no idea why you’re here, hero. But if you’ve nothing to say, leave.”

“Sorry.”

Fordola blinked, and her face quickly settled into an even deeper frown. “For what, exactly? For reducing me to this sorry state? It’s a bit too late for that, isn’t it?”

Ania shook her head, and said nothing. She certainly didn’t feel sorry about _that_. Fordola had climbed on the backs of her own people to reach for the scraps the Empire left at their feet.

A lot like Yotsuyu, in that sense. And Yotsuyu was dead. Fordola still lived. Ania didn’t know how to feel about that.

“May I sit?” she asked.

Fordola tilted her head. “Are you playing a game with me, hero? I am a _prisoner_ here. I could not stop you if I wanted to.”

"Ania.” the Warrior of Light replied. “My name is Ania. And this is still your room, and as far as I’m concerned, I’m a guest. So if you permit it, I will sit. If you wish it, I will leave.”

Fordola grunted, and nodded to the empty bed. It was as much as an affirmation as Ania could expect, so she took it, perching herself gingerly on the edge. The mattress was thin and hard. She’d slept in some inhospitable places in her time, and even she recoiled at the idea of sleeping on this bed every night.

“So, Ania. Are you going to tell me why you’re here, or do I have to keep guessing?”

Ania glanced sideways at her, briefly, before turning to focus on the cell door. “I don’t know. I felt compelled. Something happened that I...”

She heard a noise of discomfort to her side, and she turned to see Fordola clutching at her forehead, a similar distressed look on her face to the one she wore herself whenever the Echo saw fit to give her a flashback of someone else’s memories. From what she had heard, Fordola’s Resonance was less refined, showing her a series of flashing images rather than the near-perfect recall of Ania’s Echo. But hopefully it would be clear enough.

It saved her the explanation, at least.

Fordola came back to herself presently, gasping for air. It was never a pleasant experience, Ania knew. Especially when you weren’t used to it.

Fordola turned on her as soon as she had had long enough to process Ania’s memories. “So... what? You’ve come to me for pity, is that it? Someone who can understand? Or a shoulder to cry on? Don’t make me laugh, hero. I don’t know who any of those people were. And I care about your troubles even less. I-”

“Shut up, Fordola.” Ania rested her head in her hands, at a loss. “I don’t want any of that, least of all from you. But I’m assuming from your reaction that it didn’t show you what I saw. With the Echo. Asahi’s memories, as he was dying.”

“It must not work like that, then. What did you see?”

Ania sighed, shifting bodily so she could look Fordola in the eyes. “Zenos is alive, Fordola.”

Fordola blinked. Ania watched her expression as she the information sank in, that her old lord still lived. The one who had turned her into the things she was now. There was fear, certainly, but she hid it well behind her usual indignation. “...So you failed. Why tell me? What do you expect me to do about it, rotting away in this cell? If Zenos showed up at the door to kill me for my failure, I would welcome it.”

“You _saw_ it, Fordola. You saw my memories. He killed himself in front of me. We buried him. And unless Asahi could fake his own memories, he’s now walking around alive and well. I have my suspicions, but if you can tell me anything-”

“Is this an interrogation, now? I know _nothing_ about Lord Zenos anymore. And I have absolutely no reason to tell you, if I did. If he found a way to raise himself from the dead, then all I have to say is that your dream of a free Ala Mhigo will be shorter lived than you hoped.”

“I’ve beat him before”, Ania spat, “and I will beat him again. So don’t get your hopes up.”

Fordola burst into bitter laughter. “Is that how you imagine I spend my time in here? Dreaming of the Empire returning and grinding you all into the dust? I don’t _care_ , Ania. I did what I thought I had to do to survive. I was wrong, apparently. And now everyone who did the _right_ thing and suffered in silence gets their freedom, while I rot in a cell. Good for them. It means nothing to me. I lost, and now I have nothing.”

Ania paused, and quickly realised she had no answer. Why had she felt compelled to tell Fordola? Why did she assume Fordola still burned for revenge? “...No. You were right the last time we spoke. I don’t know a thing about you.”

“Then why come here at all?”

The Warrior of Light stared directly at Fordola, as if her indignant face would yield an answer.

“I don’t know.”

Fordola jumped to her feet, rounding to stand in front of Ania. Fordola wasn’t the tallest person, and even standing up, she was barely eye level with the Roegadyn.. “Do you _mock_ me, Scion? You expect me to believe this is a social call? I am your prisoner! Have you not the slightest bit of shame?”

There came a banging at the door. A concerned voice called out. “Captain Straka? Is everything alright in there?”

“Fine. No need for alarm.” She called back, still staring Fordola. Lowering her voice and doing her best to keep her expression stoic, she continued. “You’re correct. This was a clear abuse of my power. I’m just... I don’t know why I’m here, but that’s been a trend of late. I’m uncertain. And I think I’m tired of being a living legend when nothing I do seems to work.”

She rose to her feet, again towering over Fordola, but quickly turned away. “I think I just wanted to talk to someone who doesn’t see the myth, perhaps. You have no expectations of me.”

Ania couldn’t see her, but when Fordola spoke again, it was quietly, with a dangerous anger in her voice. “So you thought you’d use me to make yourself feel better? Understand this, Scion. All my life, I’ve been used. And if you suppose to do the same now, I will throw myself on your sword this instant.”

Ania turned back to look at her. It wasn’t just anger in those eyes. She had hurt Fordola. And for some reason, that mattered a lot more. Another thing she couldn’t do right. She looked away again, unable to maintain eye contact.

“You’re right. My apologies. I’m going to go now.”

She got as far as the door, avoiding Fordola’s gaze, but paused once she reached the door, a thought coming unbidden to her mind. “You’re right, actually. I did want to use you. I think you’re wasting away in here. After Lakshmi, I wanted to recruit you into the Scions. We don’t have the luxury of picking and choosing when it comes to people who are immune to being tempered.

A pause, and then a quiet voice. “Then why didn’t you?”

“I never told anyone. That’s the thing about being the Warrior of Light. You can accomplish anything, as long as someone else tells you to. It’s not my job to have ideas.”

“How terrible that must be for you. How hard your successes must weigh upon you, because they weren’t _your_ idea.”

Ania laughed at that. She turned to face Fordola one last time. “No pity. None given, and none expected. I could get used to this. You can tell me to never come back, Fordola. But I think I’d like to.”

There was no response. She turned, and swung open the cell door, not taking another look back. She couldn’t afford to linger, after all. The world still needed her, and she was powerless to refuse.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cw: mentions of sexual abuse and slavery
> 
> The Warrior of Light loses control.

Her visit to Fordola’s cell had done little to quell Ania’s tempestuous thoughts, she found. Of course it hadn’t. Why had she ever expected that fraternising with an Imperial who openly held her in contempt would make her feel _better_? It had been an interesting aside, maybe, but it was a sign of how desperate she was that she had even considered it. No, if she was going to put her mind to rest, she would need to find another outlet.

Except, what options were there? She had an image to maintain. Fordola may have mocked her for it, but her role was a necessary one. The Warrior of Light couldn’t be seen to be having doubts. She was an icon, a pillar of certainty in uncertain times. Even her friends couldn’t help but buy into that image, that living legend. She couldn’t be seen to be questioning that legend. They needed her to be sure of herself, so they could be sure of her too.

And so these thoughts buried their way further into her skull. The mere thought of Zenos still being out there, in spite of his arterial blood watering the plants of the Royal Menagerie, couldn’t help but terrify her. She knew what the truth of the matter was. He had definitely died. And she knew of at least one group of people who were known to wear the bodies of mortals as puppets for political advantage.

She couldn’t even begin to comprehend what the implications of this would be. Zenos had been hard enough to kill when he had been but a mortal. And if he was... No. It was not for her to think of what might come. She would merely do what she was meant to do, when she needed to. It had worked so far.

But the future wasn’t the only thing that plagued her thoughts.

She had thought to sort the death of Yotsuyu away in her head as just another tragedy; but another enemy defeated. Another chapter closed. Asahi had done her a favour, in a way, by putting her complicated feelings to bed. Showing Tsuyu to be merely an illusion, a dream that Yotsuyu would inevitably wake up from, one way or another. It was easier to do her job when she could just see a villain, not a person.

So why did she still feel like this? There was no fulfillment, no sense of a job well done. No reassurance of another primal slain. Just a yawning, hollow feeling of dissatisfaction. Of a justice left undone. What had been the conclusion of that whole mess? All the villains were dead. The diplomatic incident they’d hoped to avoid had happened, as she had expected. Gotsetsu was left with all his efforts wasted, betrayed by the kami themselves.

Did Gotsetsu feel this same hollowness? Did he, too, feel like something had been left undone?

She felt as though there were still enemies to defeat, figures in the shadows yet to be brought to justice. Yet this was no Ascian ploy. Yotsuyu was a very human evil, born from the cruelty of those before her. And her wretched parents and wretched brother were rightfully dead.

And then it hit her. She knew of at least one person who had created this monster that still lived. Had walked free, no less. And she herself had done him a favor by banishing the source of his fears.

She was due a trip to the Doman Enclave.

* * *

_The self-righteous hide behind “justice”, but I need no such mask._

Being the Warrior of Light had its boons and banes when it came to moving around unfettered. Her appearance was familiar to most people, and eyes followed the hero everywhere she went. But she was also famous for performing all manner of odd jobs. Indeed, her presence in the Enclave was never questioned, for her contributions to the reconstruction efforts were common knowledge. And as the sun set on the Enclave, the traders and artisans packed up their wares and returned to their homes, eager to eat and rest. So as she passed freely throughout the streets of the Enclave, nobody thought to ask what it was she was doing as she wandered from one end of the town and back.

Anyone who had any reason to be suspicious might have noticed her eyes cast over the heads of everyone around her, falling upon each and every guard in the Enclave. She could have asked for the location of the person she was looking for, and anyone who knew would be glad to impart the information. But a dark, nervous feeling in her chest told her that might cause problems for her in the long run.

It was a feeling that had been eating at her for days, as she tried to ignore the urges blossoming inside her. The nervous energy of doing something you had never done before. Having the power to do it. The knowledge that you _should_ do it.

And that feeling grew into a storm deep in her chest as she approached her quarry. She willed herself not to, to just go back to being a hero and not concern herself with desiring justice for a tyrant. But something more base was driving her, and her will had grown weak.

“Captain Jifuya.”

Jifuya turned to face her, his face managing a nervous smile. “A-ah, Lieutenant Straka! It is good to see you!”

“It’s Captain now, actually.” Ania replied. It was far more curt than she intended. She hoped he wouldn’t notice the tension that coursed through her, that he wouldn’t see the way her every hair stood on end, the cold sweat forming on her brow.

“I see! Then we are of equal rank now. Although, I daresay your achievements far outstretch mine. What can I do for you?”

Ania genuinely had no idea. What _could_ he do for her? What did she want from him? She was following some primal motivation, she had no plan, no designs. How could she reply when she had no idea what the answer was?

“...Lord Hien did always say you were a woman of few words.” Jifuya said, some minor amusement in his voice. Ania’s blood ran frozen. Had Hien shared stories of her? To this wretch? To this-

“...Something like that, yes. I shall escort you.”

“Well, I suppose I’m in safe hands, then.” Jifuya followed Ania, trusting her completely as she turned and marched swiftly in the general direction of the Kienkan. She had no idea Hien was home at the moment. She wished that he wasn’t. This was falling into place too easily.

“The Enclave has been thriving since... Recent events came to close.” Ania didn’t look at Jifuya as he spoke, worried her expression would give her away. “The business with Asahi shook people, we thought the Empire would never leave us alone. But seeing them soundly defeated again has given the people new confidence. Now that they no longer fear the shadow of the Witch-”

“Yotsuyu.” Ania corrected. Jifuya paused for a moment, and when he spoke again, it was with less confidence.

“...Y-yes, Yotsuyu. Her presence in the Kienkan put a lot of people on edge. It was... I regret what happened to her, truly, but with the spectre of the past laid to rest, now people can sleep easy in their beds. I heard it was truly an epic fight. We cannot thank you enough.”

“Can you?”

The question caught Jifuya off-guard. He paused for a moment to process Ania’s words. “Can I- what?”

"Sleep at night.”

Jifuya cast his eyes down, guilty. “I... I know I played a part in this. But knowing she no longer haunts us, I can focus on atonement. I will serve Doma with my heart and soul, so that I may at least rest.”

“I see.”

Jifuya kept his eyes on the ground, stewing in the uncomfortable silence that passed between them, until he noticed something that made him look up and examine his surroundings.

“Captain Straka, this isn’t the Kienkan. Is Lord Hien here?”

Ania came to a stop. The Enclave had low roofs and wide open spaces, but her time helping with the reconstruction had familiarised her with its layout. So now, as she placed herself between Jifuya and the one way out of this narrow alleyway, silhouetted by the rapidly falling darkness of night, she told him the truth.

“No. Nobody knows you are here, Captain Jifuya.”

Jifuya’s expression of trepidation quickly gave way to panic. The speed with which her Light-given aura of trust gave way to the realisation that he might be in danger was oddly satisfying to watch, and she noted the way his muscles shifted and tensed as it played out on his face, across his whole body.

“W-w-what is the meaning of this, Captain Straka? You may be the Warrior of Light, but I am still a member of the Doman Resistance, and I must be available to Lord Hien-”

“You will not be speaking to Lord Hien tonight.” Ania told him. Her veins were thrumming as she stepped towards him. “I would like a word in private.”

“Be that as it may, this is... highly unprofessional. Y-you only needed to request-”

“This is me, requesting. Do you have a reason to refuse?”

Jifuya looked truly perplexed. She could only imagine how confused he must be. Which made sense, because she had no idea what she was doing either. The blood running through her felt like electricity. She knew this feeling from only one time before, after their party had been soundly rebuffed by Hraesvelgr, returning in shame, she had almost-

_-_ _Ysayle’s_ _tears, crystals framing her pale skin, close enough to touch-_

This was the feeling she got when she was about to do something she shouldn’t.

“I... suppose not. I just... This could make a man fearful. Was this level of secrecy necessary?”

“Could? What must I do, then, to ensure this man _does_ feel fear?”

That line alone was enough. His eyes, his breathing, his sweat- He was afraid of her. A shiver ran down her spine. She had seen many eyes look upon her in terror, but never before had the power felt so _satisfying._

Jifuya was clearly still hoping that there was a rational explanation to this situation. “I-I’m not sure what you mean, Captain Straka. What is this about?”

“You tell me, Captain Jifuya. You tell me what might compel me to do this. Because I do not know. But I know it’s your fault. So tell me, Jifuya. Why am I here?”

He was backing away slowly, but quickly found himself running out of space. Jifuya’s back hit the wall behind him as Ania approached, towering over him. A godslayer looked down her nose at this wretch of a man, cowering beneath her as her eyes burned with intensity.

“...Is this, is this about Yotsuyu? I-I already admitted my crime! You know this! Hien has pardoned me! Is this not atonement enough?”

“ _Captain._ ” Ania forced the word out of her mouth. “Hien didn’t even see fit to give you a demotion. You should know that he and I do not see eye-to-eye on this matter.”

“Then take it up with him!” Jifuya managed, before Ania’s hand clamped over his mouth.

“Do not raise your voice, Jifuya, lest this discussion turn uncivil.”

Ania gazed down at him, and he nodded slowly. She removed her hand. He kept his voice low as he mustered his indignation. “Why are you doing this?”

Ania shrugged. “I haven’t done anything yet.”

“You’re the Warrior of Light!” Jifuya was somewhere between accusing and pleading. “Is this how the Hero of Eorzea conducts her business? Like a loan shark, in the darkness?”

“I do not know how the Hero of Eorzea is supposed to conduct her business. I don’t know much of anything, these days.”

Jifuya seemed to think he had grasped a thread, and he pulled on it. “Are you well, Captain Straka? I know an apothecary who has a good record with malaise-”

The fist curling around his neck and pinning him to the wall behind him cut him off.

“My mind is sound, Jifuya. I am not mad. I am just trying to make sense of this.” She leaned in close, her face looming dangerously close to his. “Like you said, I am the Warrior of Light. Supposedly, I fight for justice. The villains in this sordid story have been brought to justice. The terrifying Witch of Doma lies dead. The duplicitous Asahi fell at her hands, another agent of the Empire slain. The abominable parents that produced these monsters lay dead in her wake.”

Her hand tightened slightly. Jifuya gazed up at her with pure terror in his eyes. “There are many more players in this tragedy, and I haven’t the time to pursue them all. But I do know that a man who purchased a human being and forced her into sexual slavery still walks free, a well-respected member of the military and favoured by the Lord himself.

“Tell me, Captain Jifuya. Does that sound like justice to you?”

Jifuya was struggling just to force air into his lungs. Ania could feel his muscles retracting under her grip. He wasn’t choking yet, but he certainly couldn’t manage to vocalise a response. Which was fine. Ania had no interest in his pleas.

Ania took a moment to properly observe the pathetic sight of the trafficker of lives quaking under her. She felt good. She was in control again. She hadn’t felt in control for so long. And no one could fault her for this, surely. The man had committed a crime so foul that it begged for justice, and yet he had received none. Those years of terror under Yotsuyu had been his only punishment, and now those had come to a close too. She could feel her soulstone vibrate. She could feel Fray screaming for justice. Dark energy started to coalesce around her fist.

She leaned over, hunching to lower her mouth to his ear. “I am the Warrior of Light. I could gut you right here and no one would ever suspect me.”

His eyes met hers, a pure and primal terror behind them. She thought that maybe, in that moment, she truly could kill him then and there.

And, then what?

Her fist had unclenched, dropping Jifuya to the ground. The darkness would not stop coursing around her. She wasn’t in control now. She was less in control than she had ever been. Her emotions ran riot, and the power she had mastered in the slums of Ishgard all that time ago was no longer hers to command.

How had it come to this?

She found herself taking deep, steadying breaths, as she willed herself to calm. She couldn’t let this happen. She had trained in other jobs, certainly, but none had resonated with her like that of the Dark Knight. She _needed_ this power. She could not afford to lose it, not while Zenos was still out there.

Slowly, surely, it came back to her. Her soulstone ceased its cries, and she felt calm. Almost serene. At least, until she saw the shuddering wreck of a man beneath her, gasping for air and struggling to his feet. She still had to deal with him.

She squatted down to his level, but on his knees, she still towered over him. “Captain Jifuya, your atonement is not yet done. The terror you felt for Yotsuyu was what gave your penance meaning. For it to continue, you will feel that terror for me. If you fall short, know that it will be me waiting for you in her stead.”

Ania rose to her feet and turned her back to him. “It goes without saying, but do not bother speaking to anyone of this. My public image is, after all, immaculate.”

She left him there, heading directly to the aetheryte after a cursory scan for bystanders.

She was going to need to talk to Fordola about this.

**Author's Note:**

> big thanks to Oricalle for proofreading and coming out with an actually acceptable summary, as well as allowing me to believe this fic was a good idea in the first place
> 
> I'm @scunnerfisk/@scunnerfan on twitter, say hi, or don't, no pressure like


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